LET'S TALK ABOUT GENDER

First, let me inform the reader that Google now has an AI feature that allows you to ask any question. Therefore, educating yourself about any topic is much easier than it used to be. I invite you to ask Google’s AI feature about anything that you read in this commentary.

My interest in transgender people came in large part from writing my novel, Edge of Smoke. As with all my novels, I allow the protagonist to speak through me. They just come into my head and start talking to me. Writing that way seems to work as it is almost like channeling a spirit, and they tell me what they want to say. I’ve always been pretty good at putting myself mentally into someone else’s experience so I could understand what they might be going through, and I get a feeling of what it is like to walk in the shoes of the protagonists in my stories by telling the tales the way they want me to tell them. My protagonists, so far, have been a cisgender heterosexual male, a cisgender heterosexual female, and a transwoman. In Edge of Smoke, Stephanie is a biracial, transgender girl growing up in the slums of Pruitt-Igoe (it really existed; look it up) in St. Louis during the 1960s. The first line of the novel came to me as I was making Christmas candy in 2013. I heard her say the first line in my head, stopped the candy-making, and went immediately to my computer, where I wrote the first page of the book. It would take several more years to complete the book, but I learned a great deal about transgender people from writing it, not only from Stephanie sharing her feelings, but also from the research I conducted as the book progressed.  I’ve now converted that novel into an award-winning screenplay, but let’s talk about gender.

When my Godchild was about eight or nine years old, she announced at a family dinner when we were out to eat at a local restaurant, “Boys have penises and girls have Virginias.” Of course, that got a cackle out of all of us. Wouldn’t it be great if gender were that simple? Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. That’s that. There are only males and females, with no other options. That makes it much simpler, and it would be great if that were true, but it’s not. Some people want to keep it simple because they don’t want to be confused by the complexities of reality. The truth is that neither gender nor sexual orientation is black and white; it's a matter of nuance, not one or the other. Gender has never been that simple, and there are examples of transgender and queer people throughout history. When the French first came into the Americas beginning in 1524, and noticed queer people in Native populations, they called them “Berdache,” which basically means “kept boy.” Native Americans prefer the term “two-spirit” and, except for maybe one or two tribes, have always respected queer people. The LGBTQIA+ actually includes practically everyone who is seen as different. In fact, many have adapted an old insult, “queer,” meaning different as a term that encompasses all LGBTQIA+ people. Queer people are merely those who are different from the mainstream. The “T” in LGBTQIA+ stands for transgender, and the “I” stands for intersex. Intersex and transgender are not the same, but gender experience can vary in any group.

Here’s a stat. Almost 2% of the population (1.7%) are born intersex. What does that mean? It means they are neither male nor female, but kind of a combination of both. Due to genetic research, it is known that someone can live out their entire life as an intersex person and never know it. However, there are ways that it might become known, such as times when a couple goes to a fertility clinic because they are unable to conceive. Then, they discover that one of them is intersex and therefore unable to produce sperm or eggs due to chromosomal divergence from birth. There are times when chromosomes don’t clearly match a person’s gender assigned at birth or their physical appearance. They are intersex, but there is no visible indication of it. There are times when people don’t discover they are intersex until they have some sort of surgical procedure, such as a macho guy going in for an emergency appendectomy, where the doctors discover a uterus during the surgery. The patient never knew about the uterus until the surgery, and yes, these kinds of things actually happen. Does that now mean that he is a woman? No, his gender is male, despite having both male and female reproductive organs. He has always felt like a male in a male body, but there is a uterus inside him that he never knew about. That has nothing to do with his male gender. The flip side of that is times when a testicle is found inside someone who has lived her entire life as a woman, and never knew she had a testicle or testicles in her, in addition to ovaries. I had a friend who was intersex in that everything about him was male except that his pelvic bones were turned out like a woman’s. He considered himself a cisgender, heterosexual male, even though he had a woman’s pelvis.

There are times when intersex features don’t show up until a person hits puberty. For instance, a boy hits puberty and begins developing breasts, or a girl hits puberty and doesn’t develop breasts. There is also the phenomenon of delayed puberty, which is devastating for kids who are fourteen or fifteen and still look like they are ten. So, everything is not black and white. Everything does not fit into neat little categories, and regardless of political fear and hatred aimed toward transgender people, this is a significant reason why gender affirming care should not be banned. Those kids who have these conditions might need to be placed on hormones at twelve or thirteen to balance out the problem, or have other gender affirming care, such as surgery. I know of a person who was assigned male at birth, grew into being a heterosexual cisgender male, looked masculine, felt masculine, but had to have breasts removed when he was a teen because he developed female breasts. This also meant that he was traumatized by the bullying he received at school. Then, after surgery, he was afraid that if he took his shirt off at the pool, someone might see the scars from breast removal and think he was a transman. The bottom line is that when it comes to gender-affirming care, we cannot simply assume and we must take each situation on a case-by-case basis. Therefore, we all need to think further than the ends of our noses. We also need to leave those decisions to medical professionals who know what they are doing, rather than assuming that politicians know better than established medical practice. There has also recently been a movement afoot by the intersex and transgender community to stop doctors from “assigning” a gender to an intersex person at birth, deciding whether to surgically make them male or female as a baby. The problem arises when puberty occurs and the doctor has surgically assigned one gender, but the person experiences the other. Intersex people are now petitioning doctors to wait at least until puberty, when they have a better understanding of what gender they fit into, which the doctor may have assumed incorrectly at their birth. They want the decision to be theirs, not someone else's. This is another example of “My body, my choice.”

So, now, a loaded question: What if all men are transgender? Okay, now that I have your attention, have you ever wondered why men have nipples? The answer is that as early fetuses, we all start as females in the womb, and our features, male or female, change with the development of the fetus, influenced by hormonal changes in a woman’s body during pregnancy. Did you know that men are capable of lactating (giving milk)? Certain medications or medical conditions can cause male lactation. Extended overstimulation of the nipples may cause it. There are even situations in which some fathers who bond very closely with their newborns deliberately stimulate themselves trying to lactate. Thankfully (I guess), most men never lactate, nor do they want to, but we are all physically capable of it because we have the same breasts as women. Ours just didn’t develop like theirs did. I have personally known of at least one man who began lactating due to a medication. Does being able to lactate make us women? Did you know that men can also get breast cancer? There are numerous studies indicating that specific hormonal fluctuations during pregnancy may influence whether the fetus's brain is oriented toward one gender or the other. Still, technically, anyone could be influenced to the opposite gender depending on multiple factors. There have also been indications that homosexuality may result similarly. So, when queer people say, “We were born this way”, there is truth in that. A more sophisticated society might realize that how someone is born is not wrong and it doesn’t make them less of a human being. Still, let’s explore a little further.

I assume that, since this is written in English, the reader is an English speaker, and most readers will have English as their native language. Were you born speaking English? Do you remember learning English? Nope, it just happened, didn’t it? If you don’t know another language, how easy do you think it would be to learn one? Let’s say you move to France, become fluent in French, and five years from now you drop a hammer on your toe. Do you think your exclamation will likely be in English or French? The answer is English. Our native tongue is always with us and always the one with which we are most comfortable. Can you imagine not being able to speak English? Can you even make yourself try not to understand it? No? Unless it is a word you haven’t encountered before, as soon as you read it or hear it, you immediately understand it. Now, imagine being forced to learn another language and never allowed to speak English again. How easy would that be? Do you think, even under those conditions, you would ever forget English? It’s not likely, but that is essentially what some churches do when they insist that gay people should marry the opposite sex and live as heterosexuals, even though that is not who they are. Here is the deal. It doesn’t matter if gender identity or sexual orientation are genetic or something that happens in the womb, because human beings are the only creature on Earth whose brain will double in size after we are born. This is why the period from birth to age seven is referred to as the “formative years.” Most of the brain growth occurs within the first four years of life, which means that half of the neuropathways in our brains are formed during this period, influenced by our experiences and surroundings. You know—when we learn language. So, language becomes hardwired into our brains. There are literally different neuropathways in the brains of people who speak different languages. We don’t choose our native tongues. We speak the languages we are exposed to during our formative years. We cannot undo them. So, would it stand to reason that other things become hardwired during our formative years as neural pathways are forming in our brains? Could it be that experiences of gender and sexual orientation develop during this time, as well, and would be just as hardwired as our language? Just as we don’t need to justify why we are English speakers, we don’t need to justify our gender or sexual orientation. We are what we are. Just as our native language is part of who we are, so too are our genders and sexual orientations. The brain also undergoes a major restructuring during adolescence, during which the neuropathways necessary for childhood are pruned. The neuropathways necessary for adulthood are established, and the adult brain is not fully formed until the age of twenty-five. Adolescence is another period when habits or substances may be introduced into the brain that become a permanent part of it. Have you ever wondered why there is an emphasis on keeping teens off drugs and alcohol? Whatever is introduced to the brain during the neural restructuring that occurs during adolescence may have a lasting impact on the brain. We know, from research, that the younger a person is when they start using alcohol or drugs, the more likely they are to become addicted. We also know that heavy use of marijuana during adolescence increases the chances of becoming schizophrenic. Therefore, there are many factors to consider when examining the various aspects that affect human development, and we need to do a little less judging and show a little more compassion, because we have all been affected by these influences.

Now let’s talk specifically about people who are transgender. There is a category in the mental health Diagnostic Statistical Manual that designates transgender people as having “gender dysphoria.” Okay, what does that really mean? It means that how they feel and what they think does not match the gender they were assigned at birth. They feel out of place in the body they were born with. I have encountered transgender people in their mid-eighties who were still feeling disconnected from their birth body. So, it’s not a condition that can go away, and it is not men pretending to be women or women pretending to be men. It is a legitimate internal experience. The term cisgender basically means that you are comfortable in your birth body. No, Elon Musk, it is not a slur that trans people made up to disrespect straight people. It is a technical term. It means if you were born in a male body, you are comfortable as a male, and if you were born in a female body, you are comfortable as a female. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with this. There are gay and bisexual people who are cisgender, and there are people who are transgender or non-binary, meaning that they may at times feel like either or both genders who have variations in their sexual attractions, perhaps including not having sexual attractions at all. Also, sexual attraction is on a continuum with multiple variations between heterosexual and homosexual.  Many people don’t fall neatly into a category of heterosexual or homosexual. Let me also clarify that attraction is not perversion. Perversion is something that is done to someone against their will, something that causes harm to others (including animals), and this can be mental or physical—now, moving on. Even though the term gender dysphoria is found in the DSM, that does not necessarily mean that it is a mental disorder. In fact, most of the time when transgender people come into therapy, they are seeking help with the anxiety and depression that come with being one of the most socially oppressed and violated minorities in the world. They also have anxiety and depression based on feeling out of place in their bodies. However, because of oppression and mistreatment, many transgender people hide their identity and go through their entire lives without telling anyone how they really feel. Especially in years past, they may have had no other option (depending on location and access to alternatives) than to live life pretending to be cisgender. The question I have is, why does society even care how they live their lives, or hate them for it? What does it matter? Why do we get in such an uproar over how someone dresses or presents themselves?  Heterosexual, cisgender people want to be left alone to live and express themselves as they feel. Why isn’t that okay for those who don’t fit neatly into the categories of cisgender or heterosexual?

Statistically, transgender people (male and female), so far as we know, make up about one percent of the total population, a total of about 2.8 million people spread throughout the United States population of 340 million. A study in 2022 indicated that approximately 1.6% of the population identifies as transgender or non-binary. So, it happens very rarely. Yet, a 2021 study found that transgender people are over four times more likely to be the victims of violent crimes, and transwomen of color are more likely to be beaten or killed than white transwomen. Why do you suppose that is? It’s what happens when misogyny and racism are combined. Misogyny is hatred, not so much of women as it is hatred of femininity, and racism is, of course, hatred toward races other than your own. Both of these are systemic in American culture. We are taught this from a young age, even though we may not realize that we have been indoctrinated into it. Misogyny is inherent in Christianity, especially fundamentalist Christianity, and also inherent in Islam and Judaism. Women are still not allowed to be priests in the Catholic church, and only recently stepped into ministerial positions in some other churches within the past hundred or so years. Women are considered to be less worthy and less valuable than men, and that’s probably because men are capable of dominating and abusing them. In years past, women were viewed in marriage more as property than as a loving life partner, and that is often still the case, especially when there is domestic violence. Unfortunately, there are those factions that want to take us back to a time when women were subservient to their husbands. Women in almost all cultures have traditionally been dominated by men. However, there were Native American cultures and many ancient cultures that were matriarchal. Oppression of women continues today as it has for hundreds of years, with laws dictating what women can or cannot do with their own bodies and overriding medical expertise with political opinions. Historically, in the United States, women were not given the vote until 1920, after black men had been given the vote in 1870, even though factions set about attempting to prevent black men from voting, and the vote of minorities was not secured until the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Until 1974, it was still legal for banks and lenders to discriminate against women in their access to loans, mortgages, and credit cards. To put that in perspective. I graduated from high school in 1973. In 1978, a guy from Zimbabwe Africa (he was white) told me that a black man would be elected president of the United States before a white woman, and well, we all know what happened in 2008.  God forbid we should elect a black woman as president. Both misogyny and racism would stand against that.

So, if racism and misogyny are combined, that accounts for why transwomen of color are more likely to be victims of violent crimes than transwomen who are white. Yet, why are transwomen in general hated so much? Remember in school, one of the worst things you could be called was a “sissy,” even girls. These days, kids say, “That’s so gay,” and the word “fag” which should be as taboo as the “N-word,” is tossed around way too much, in movies, on TV, and on the playground. Anyone other than a cisgender female is not allowed to be perceived as feminine, and transwomen are considered the worst because the misogynist mindset sees them as having abandoned their manhood and masculinity. They are therefore considered traitors to their gender, and too many people can’t wrap their heads around how transwomen could have a female soul when they were born in a male body. They see them more as men dressing up in drag. Yet, there is a vast difference between a man in a dress and a transwoman who is feeling incongruent with her birth body. The lack of understanding from people who don’t even try to understand is one of the reasons transgender people continue to be treated so disrespectfully.

Transwomen are more likely to live in poverty, and one of the reasons for that is discrimination in the job market and in housing. If they are unable to “pass,” employers often don’t hire them due to stigma and embarrassment, regardless of their skills. That leaves them few options, and sometimes they end up in the sex trade just to be able to support themselves. That alone may account for at least part of the reason they are more likely to be victims of violence. There is a domino effect with poverty. If you can’t support yourself in traditional ways, you are more likely to turn to illegal ways of supporting yourself, which endangers you from both sides of the law. Nonetheless, some famous transwomen have been able to make a name for themselves in entertainment as actors, comedians, and performers; however, these are an extremely rare few. Some have done okay because they can “pass” and no one recognizes them as transgender except those they want to know. Still, states like Texas require that driver’s licenses reflect the gender at birth. She may look and behave absolutely nothing like a man, but her driver’s license says she is male. Can you see that as a setup for trouble? Because of anti-trans laws enacted in many conservative states, transgender people in those states have a more difficult time even existing, much less supporting themselves, and due to things like requirements of assigned birth gender being required on driver’s licenses, they may be exposed to mistreatment that might otherwise have been avoided. They can be legally discriminated against for jobs and housing, and have minimal legal protections. They have become the lepers of the modern age, treated with disdain and malice. Yet, they are just as likely as anyone else to be caring, intelligent, and ethically upstanding people.

Many lies are told about transgender people. They are misrepresented in political attack ads and demonized by those who want to distract from their own political agendas. Lies about them have been used as scare tactics to solicit votes from those who are easily frightened and unlikely to examine the facts. They have been accused of sexually abusing children, when 0.7% of sex offenders identify as transgender, while 93.6% of sex offenders identify as cisgender men, and about 4% identify as cisgender women. While we are at it, let’s clear something else up. The statistics indicate that the majority of sexual offenses, including those with male victims, are perpetrated by heterosexual males. That goes back to good old-fashioned misogyny and the male compulsion for dominance. Approximately 4% of prisoners in America’s prisons report sexual victimization that comes from heterosexual males. If they are not gay, why are they raping other men? Because it’s not a matter of sexual attraction; sex is used as a form of dominance. Being treated like a woman (sexually assaulted) is considered to be the ultimate humiliation for heterosexual cisgender men. Four percent is what gets reported, but from what I know about heterosexual men, most of them will never report it because they consider it to be the worst possible humiliation. Gender plays into it only because the female gender is considered to be inferior, to be dominated, and therefore, the male gender is humiliated when treated like a woman, especially through sexual assault. Misogyny is also one of the reasons so many heterosexual men lose their shit if a gay man comes onto them when all they have to do is follow Nancy Regan’s rule and “Just say no.” In the mind of a misogynist, even another man being sexually attracted to them is a humiliating insult. Sexual assault, most often perpetrated by heterosexual men on other men and women, is prevalent in male-dominated, masculine-oriented societies such as prisons and the military. Often, the only time a man ever admits to being sexually assaulted is during a therapy session. It is therefore seldom counted in the statistics, and it is revealed in therapy far more frequently than the general public realizes, even though it may take years of building trust with a therapist for it to be revealed.  Women are more likely to report sexual assault, but many women decline reporting due to society’s tendency to blame the victim. Those (mostly men) who commit sexual assault against women, men, or children fall into the misogynist mindset of entitlement that says, “I’m male, I’m dominant, and therefore, I’m entitled to do whatever I want.” The misogynist mindset alone is one of the most corrupting factors in the world, and in our country.

Now, let’s take a look at the, I hesitate to call it flipside, of being transgender. I don’t know if you have noticed that there doesn’t seem to be quite as much uproar about transmen or lesbians, not that they don’t get their fair share of putdowns and violence. Transmen are at a higher risk of sexual assault, which is the misogynist's symbolic way of “putting them back in their place.” There is slightly less attention paid to transmen and lesbians because they are seen as imitating the “superior gender” (masculinity) and therefore get allowed a little slack, not much, but a little. I remember when growing up that it was okay for a girl to be a “tomboy” but not okay for a guy to be a “sissy.” It was worse for a male to be feminine than for a female to be masculine. For me, the question is not about someone’s gender or sexual orientation; the question is, why are so many making such a big deal about it? The answer is misogyny. How dare anyone not fit into the categories of male as superior, female as inferior, whites as superior, other races as inferior? Misogyny and racism didn’t just fall out of the air. People only buy into this hatred because they are indoctrinated to believe it, but buying into it doesn’t mean they are perpetrators of hate or extremists. Often, the bias toward femininity is subtle and kept quiet except around friends or in the voting booth. No child is born with a belief system. We were either taught our beliefs or developed them by drawing conclusions (often erroneous) from our experiences—all beliefs, whether based on love or hatred, are instilled in us. With superiority-based indoctrination comes the possibility of internalized misogyny and racism. Women can also be misogynists. Gay people can be homophobic, misogynistic, and transphobic. Trans people can be transphobic, and yes, people can have racist thoughts against their own race. Most people are unaware of the extent to which systemic bias has been programmed into them. Again, as I have said many times, the one truth about belief is that no belief can be true, even if it is a belief about the truth. And when we hold beliefs that cause harm to innocent people, and even to ourselves, those beliefs very much need to be examined and reevaluated.

We don’t realize how much we are indoctrinated to look upon anything that is not masculine as inferior, even disgusting. This concept of masculine superiority is the backbone of misogyny. Now, let’s consider that at least some racism is an offshoot of misogyny, because misogyny is the original form of the concept of superiority. First perpetrated against women, slaves were also looked down on as less masculine due to being perceived as cattle to be owned, bought, and sold. The entire race was looked upon as being inferior to whites, especially white men. Since white men dominated everything, others were considered less deserving than they were. Wealth was also viewed as conferring superiority over others. However, let’s get this straight. Most white men of that era did not accumulate their wealth because they were inherently superior to others. They gained it primarily through exploitation, theft of land, and violence. Then they secured their wealth by using it to prevent anyone else from occupying the seat of wealth, unless it was their own descendants. That is absolutely NOT to indicate that all white men are thieves and thugs. As you may have noticed from my photo, I happen to be a white man myself, and my best friend (a cisgender heterosexual white male) is quite wealthy and is one of the kindest, most generous, loving, and accepting people I’ve ever met. He amassed his wealth through tireless work, a great deal of intelligence, and awareness of how to leverage his financial opportunities. I remember when he was living in a cheap, one-bedroom apartment below street level, so his wealth, unlike that of many, was not handed to him. He also did not accumulate it through cheating, manipulation, or domination of others. So, I am not dissing white men. I am calling out misogyny and racism. It just so happens that it is more likely to be perpetrated by certain white heterosexual men who have the arrogance to believe that they have superiority over women, other races, or queer people.

Okay, where am I leading with all of this? There is no all or nothing when it comes to things like intelligence, gender, sexual orientation, race, or human worthiness. There is also no such thing as superior or inferior. If we are made in God’s image, then all images, no matter how they manifest, are in the image of God. So, rather than judging and assuming we know something about how it feels to be in another person’s skin or live as they live, we all need to step back, consider that we could be wrong, we could be believing an erroneous belief, and we could be engaging in activities based on those beliefs that cause harm to innocent people. I know that some don’t believe mankind is inherently good, but I have faith that the vast majority of us, at our core, have empathy for our fellow humans and for the suffering they endure. It’s just that suffering which is imposed by the few who have placed themselves into bully pulpits is so great that there is very little the rest of us can do about it, at least individually. Still, every drop of water plays a role in wearing away the stone. We must do our part, however small it may be, to create a better world for ourselves and our children. That begins with love and acceptance, as well as considering alternative perspectives. Perhaps it starts with educating ourselves about things we don’t understand, rather than continuing to make assumptions based on erroneous information that could have been specifically biased to manipulate us or distract us.

So, does gender really matter? Does it matter how someone dresses or presents themselves if they are not threatening or harming others? Remember, there was a time when women were not allowed to wear pants. Does it matter what attractions someone may have or what consenting adults do in private? Does it matter if two men or two women give each other a peck on the lips or hold hands in public? If it is okay for cisgender heterosexual people to do it, then it’s okay for anyone to do it. Ultimately, how others live their lives is it really any of our business?  

C.S. Lewis (in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe): "We might all try minding our own business".