ETHICS

The dictionary defines ethics as both a noun and a verb. As a verb, it defines the meaning as: “that branch of philosophy dealing with values relating to human conduct, with respect to the rightness and wrongness of certain actions and to the goodness and badness of the motives and ends of such actions.” The problem is that since the beginning of time, different people and cultures have disagreed on the concepts of right and wrong, and those concepts have changed over time. There was a point in human history when child sacrifice was considered to be a proper and ethical thing to do. Yet, the vast majority of people today would consider such an act as utterly appalling. As the human sense of spirituality continues to evolve, the question of what is right and wrong evolves with it, and this is not only a matter of spirituality. Different professions have different codes of ethics with differing levels of strictness and enforcement in those codes. Having been trained as a social worker, I know that social work has the strictest code of ethics of any other profession. Sometimes, I imagine what might happen if politics were to be held to the same code of ethics, since the level of corruption in politics, regardless of party, appears to be beyond the pale.

When we define the word “wrong,” it is essential to recognize that the basic definition of wrong is any intent to cause harm. This is outlined in the teachings of every major religion on earth, as each one has a version of The Golden Rule. Stated in more than one place, the Bible defines it in Matthew 7:12 as, "Do to others what you would have them do to you." It is a straightforward and logical code of ethics endorsed by every major religion, even though many religions seem to overlook it in exchange for malicious intent toward those they consider to be sinners. It is a good code of ethics for anyone, including atheists and agnostics, who often apply the rule more thoroughly than some who call themselves religious. If you don’t want someone to mistreat you, then don’t mistreat them. Would you want someone to steal from you, degrade or demean you, violate your fundamental human rights, beat you, torture you, or murder you? There may be some out there who would want others to violate them, but no reasonably minded human being would want to be treated with such utter disrespect. Since it seems that a significant number of people don’t follow the Golden Rule, what keeps us from following such a simple code, so simple that even a child can understand it?

Often, it may be erroneous logic that says, “Because others mistreated me, I’m not only going to get revenge on them, but also mistreat others.” I experienced that in my upbringing. When I was abused and bullied as a child, it made me an extremely angry individual. I resented and wished ill of almost everyone until I met loving mentors who were able to see through the anger to the wounded child beneath it. I particularly hated my uncle, who had tormented me throughout my childhood and even cursed me on his deathbed. He resented that I was his replacement. Where he had always been the only prized and coddled boy in the family, I took that from him when my mother was killed, and family members felt sorry for me. I was five years old at the time. He was thirty-four. His resentment stemmed not only from my grandfather, who was not the most pleasant person in the world, but also from being coddled to the point where he believed he was always meant to be the family's prince. His childhood had trained him to be selfish and to never really mature. I quickly learned to fight back and became so resentful that I plotted to kill him when I was a young teen. What I didn’t realize was that all resentment not only hurts others, but it also hurts those who carry it. After some time in therapy, I realized that my anger and resentment made me like him, and I had to ask myself if I really wanted to be like him. Was he the kind of man I wanted to evolve into? The answer was no. I wanted no part of him, and I definitely didn’t want to be like him. Those loving mentors I encountered taught me a better way. They taught me the way of love and respect instead of resentment and Nihilism.  I realized that I don’t want to live a life that destroys. I want to live a life that enhances not only my existence, but the existence of those around me. I want to help others find what I have found by following the simplest rule of ethics. By the time my uncle cursed me on his deathbed, I was in my thirties, and I had long since forgiven him. He asked me for a drink of water, but his lungs were so damaged by lung cancer that he could barely speak. When I told him  I was having difficulty hearing him, he mustered his effort and said, “You’re a Goddamn liar!” I said, “Ray, no amount of anger is going to improve my hearing, but I’m willing to try again, if you are.” He was finally able to clearly say, “I want a drink of water.”  I rounded the bed, poured him a drink of water, and held him up to drink. I treated the man who had brutalized me as a child the way I would want to be treated. I had developed ethics.

I know it is difficult not to act on anger, resentment, and hatred, but the most important questions we need to ask ourselves are: Is this really my anger, or was it dumped on me? Is my resentment benefiting me or anyone, especially me? Is this really my hatred, or is it something that has permeated the culture of my family and environment for generations before me? Do I have a legitimate reason for my hatred, or is it something I was taught to do? Is the life that others lead any of my business, and if I disapprove of it, where does that disapproval come from and why? Who made the rules, and do they make sense?

Most of us go through life following rules that we are taught without ever questioning if they have any validity or if they are ethical. Some rules that used to be in place no longer make sense. Who says I can’t eat my entrée with the salad fork? Who says men have to stand up to pee, and if they sit on the commode, that somehow feminizes them? The very important question is, does the rule that is insisted on, or that we have been taught to insist on, make any legitimate sense when we break it down and examine it? One of the most critical psychological facts that we need to understand is that we are most likely to act out what we rehearse in our minds regularly. If we harbor any malicious intent that we do not immediately dismiss and replace with more loving thoughts, we increase our chances of acting on that intent. If we do not question our thinking but merely replay the mental scenarios we were taught by our family, culture, school, or religion, we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of those in the past that were based on selfishness and resentment. You see, if you follow The Golden Rule, you cannot be selfish because you must be as benevolent to others as you would have them be benevolent to you. There can be no selfishness in benevolence, and if we mistreat others, it can only come from a place of selfishness, which is the most destructive power within the human mind. It is the primary distractor of all relationships, whether casual, personal, business, or social.

Every thought teaches. Primarily, it teaches the one who thinks it. You have heard that repetition makes for learning. So, what are you repeating in your mind? Is it love or malice? Is it benevolence or selfishness? Whenever you share your thoughts with others, you reinforce those thoughts within yourself. Whenever you speak or act on your thoughts, you reinforce your habits. Whenever you watch social media or other videos that spout malice or selfishness, you are reinforcing those thoughts within yourself. I will ask the reader the same question I asked myself when I realized that my anger and resentment were making me like my abusive uncle. Would you really want to be like him or any other person filled with anger and malice? Now I’ll leave you with another Bible verse akin to The Golden Rule. This is from 1 John 4:20-21, "If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen." If you are an atheist, take “God” out of that sentence. “If anyone says, I love, yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love whom he has not seen.” These may be religious texts, but they are simple ethical rules for anyone of any religion or lack of any religion to follow. What kind of person do you really want to be?